Jedi Ecklie 007
by Teliko. x3
Summary: Ecklie's attempts to take over the world.
1. Chapter 1

**Jedi Ecklie 007**

**Rating: Teen. For language.**

**Disclaimer: it's my dream! i own it! but not the characters. lol**

**Summary: Ecklie's attempts to take over the world.**

**A/N: (dies from laughing)**

* * *

"Where you bought those pants, dude? Fags R Us?" Warrick laughed and turned to Nick to give him a high-five. Ecklie sat at the table inside the break room, clenching his fists and turning red in the face from embarrassment.

"Yeah. Did your Granny knit that sweater for you, too?" The two CSIs shared a loud laugh and leaned back against the counter. He finally couldn't take it anymore and pushed his chair back from the table.

"I HATE YOU GUYS!!" He ran out of the room, looking down at his feet.

Nick and Warrick's jaws dropped. They turned their heads to look at each other at the same time, stared at each other for three seconds, and erupted with laughter.

Ecklie ran into his office and slammed his door shut. He paced back and forth in front of his desk and spoke to himself.

"Fine. If those two losers want to make fun of me and my ability to be evil, I'll show them how geeky I can be!" He ran for his desk and took out all the Star Wars action figure dolls from his desk. He dropped to the floor and made toy spaceships fly in the air. "Zoooooom. Jedi Conrad, reporting for duty, SIR!" He made voices for other characters too.

"Jedi, glad you could make it. We have a situation at hand!"

"What is it!?"

"It seems the clones are going to take over... the world."

"Noooooo."

"Yes."

"Nooooooo."

"Yes! Look! You'll have forces meeting you here. Get ready, Jedi." More space ships flew in from Ecklie's hand and landed on the carpet besides the action figures.

"Oh no! Full attack, head on! Don't stop until the fat lady sings!!!"

Sara walked past his office door, singing Bee Gee's Disco Inferno.

He shook his head and looked down at his action figures. The 'enemy' had moved closer to his dolls. He threw down the spaceships and screamed.

"NO DAMNIT! What the hell is wrong with you!? I told you FULL ATTACK, HEAD ON! Those were my exact words!!! Are you DEAF?!" He stared down at the nonresponding plastic toys and pointed his finger at them. "You will all be recycled. And when they take away your light saber, don't monogram me for help!!"

----

"Yes... this will work... perfect..." Ecklie sat in the middle of the evidence table. (I mean it. He sat ONTOP of it. Opps.) And yeah. Catherine walked into the evidence room and stopped at the sight of her boss sitting on top of the table.

"Ecklie? I'm saying this as your co-worker and as someone who really doesn't care... go get help!"

"Go get HELP!? Did Drew Berrymore call for help when her heel broke at the premier of Charlie's Angels?"

"...-"

"NO! She didn't!"

"Damnit, you're going crazy."

"ME!? CRAZY!?" He jumped up and kicked his blue plans to the floor. Catherine slowly backed away from the table, with her hand on her gun holster. She reached down to grab one of the blue prints, but he jumped down from the table and landed right in front of her. "Don't touch those, woman!"

"Why not? What are they?" he yanked the papers back and shoved them down his pants...(rolls on floor laughing)

"They are my plans to take over the world!" She stood there and blinked. "You know, Catherine, every ruler needs a Queen..."

"Ew. Stop right there. I would never... ever be your Queen for as long as I'm alive."

"So... is that a yes?" She ran out of the room and into Gil's office.

"Whoa. Cath. Too much coffee?"

"Ecklie's gone insane!"

"I've heard more surprising news. What's new?"

"Oh... nothing. The stock market is crashing, Gillian Anderson had a baby,... Ecklie's going to take over the world..."

"Wait a minute." Catherine looked up at him. "He can barely control the lab itself. What in the hell makes him believe he can rule the world? DAMN HIM! That was supposed to be my plan!"

"Please tell me your joking."

"You've got to help me, Cath! We can't let him defeat us!"

"What the hell! Are you insane too?"

"No... I just have a feeling that he's outside listening to everything we say," he wrote on a piece of paper. She covered her mouth to keep from laughing and nodded her head.

"Of course! We must destroy Ecklie before he succeeds!"

----

Ecklie had the toy soliders lined up in front of his desk with only the lamp on. He sat in front of his men and stared at them. "Disgrace..." He shook his head and knocked down some of the toys down. "Don't look at me like that you good for nothing, plastic pieces of shit! I expected better! But no! Ms. Willows had blown our cover! We've got to think fast and act no!" Outside of Ecklie's office, Catherine and Grissom stood by the door with a video camera and held back their laughter. He turned to Catherine and held up three fingers.

3.

2.

1.

They pushed open the door and tackled him to the ground, all while video taping it. "Cath! Get his little toys and meet me in the garage." Ecklie struggled with the hand cuffs and screamed.

"Do not touch my army! They will spontaneously combust in a matter of seconds!" They waited for a minute and headed towards the garage.

----

"Who are you work with?" Ecklie was tied against a chair. Catherine had a pot of boiling water beneath his tied up army action figures. "What's your cause?"

"I'll never tell!"

"Say goodbye to Sargent G.I. Joe!" Catherine picked up a pair of scissors and cut the string that held up one of the army toys.

"I always knew you were a bitch." She gasped and picked up the pot of boiling water. Gil got to her in time and stopped her from tossing the hot water on him.

----

"Do we have enough amo?"

"I believe so, sir."

"Good... she won't be able to pass these babies up."

Ecklie sat a bowl of hot fries in the middle of the table and ran to the corner of the room. He sucked in his stomach when Catherine walked into the room. She looked down at the bowl of fies in disgust and reached into the fridge for a soda. She left just as quick as she came in, not even glancing at the bowl of food twice.

He snuck out of the corner, looking left and right every three seconds incase someone saw him and lunged for the bowl of hot fries. He threw them against the glass windows and cursed.

----

"Opperation Hot Fry was a failure."

"Have you tried Operation Dr. Pepper?"

"We're saving that one for last!"

"But you know she will never refuse a Dr.Pepper!"

"Fine. We'll try that Operation. But if this one fails, I'm going to be forced to go to plan B..."

"Oh no! Not plan B! No!!!"

Silence.

"What's plan B?"

"I haven't the slightest."

----

5 minutes later...

----

Ecklie switced all the sodas in the ice box and replaced them with 'spiked' Dr. Pepper. Catherine casually walked in and reached for one without even looking into the fridge. She popped it open while standing up and took a long gulp.

He couldn't contain his excitement any longer and jumped out from the corner, expecting her to drop to the floor at any second.

"AH HA! I got you! You drank the Dr.Pepper!" She stood there and took another sip of her soda.

"Ecklie, what did you have for breakfast this morning?"

"You drank it! Mwaawahaha!... why aren't you falling to the ground in horrible pain, yet?" She took another sip and shrugged her shoulders. He stomped over to her and knocked the can out of her hands. She yelled and pushed him away from her. "DAMN! I thought we put LSD in these sonvabitches. What the heck."

"You did WHAT to my soda?"

* * *

**A/N: I always have the funniest dreams. (falls out of chair laughing... again)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Jedi Ecklie 007**

**Rating: Teen. For language.**

**Disclaimer: it's my dream! i own it! but not the characters. lol**

**Summary: Ecklie's attempts to take over the world.**

**A/N: Miranda and I wrote this at lunch today. I almost choked on my chips. **

* * *

Ecklie: Right. So today... I put out flyers all over Las Vegas for a position as my... partner in evil, basically. And so far... I've seen quiet a lot of capable people.

----

"So... what experiences have you had with oh say... taking over the world?" Ecklie looked across at the stoned hippie sitting across from him in Ecklie's office.

"Dude... your bald."

"Yes, well... baldness is the new look of evil." He sighed. "Thanks for your time. I'll call you a let you know."

----

Ecklie walked into the lab where Hodges was and looked around for a few seconds. Hodges tensed up when Ecklie stood directly behind him.

"I need you." Hodges yelled and jumped into the table.

"Yeah? Well I need _YOU_ to get away from me!"

"Ooh. Attitude. I love it."

"Catherine warned me about you..." Hodges said as he narrowed his eyes. Ecklie threw up his hands in defeat.

"Catherine doesn't know anything. She's a follower, Hodges. She's not like us... she will never _become_ one of us."

"What exactly are we?"

"We are leaders! We are what the world needs! We're almost as good as a cure for cancer... but not quiet!"

"So what do you want with me?"

"DO NOT SPEAK! The voices are talking to me again..." Ecklie rocked back and forth and pointed his finger at Hodges. "You! Follow me."

----

The rest of the team sat in the break room, laughing about some stupid things Ecklie did in past years when they all stopped at the sound of loud heavy metal rock music blasting from Ecklie's office. They stood in the hall and jumped as all the lights switched off. The only light was pointed at the doorway of Ecklie's office.

You could barely see Hodges crawling around the floor with a bucket of dry ice that had steam coming out of it. Ecklie held a microphone in his hand and did his evil laugh into it. Everyone winced as a loud, screeching noise filled the speakers. He held the microphone away from his mouth and tapped it.

"Check, one two... one two... okay. It works. MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PEASENTS AND NOBLES!" He began to walk out of his office, but his black cape got caught in the door henges and pulled him back. "Damnit, Hodges. Untangle me!"

"I... can't. It's... stuck." Everyone started leaving. Ecklie screamed and tried to break loose of his cape.

"Come back here! I OWN YOU!!"

----

"PEOPLE! Your lives are in danger!! Come to me and I shall save you from all evilness in the world!!" Ecklie stood ontop of a weak looking cardboard box in the middle of the Strip. Toursists and bystanders watched in amusement as Hodges ran around Ecklie and the coardboard box in a superhero assisant costume. "By this time next year, your children's education shall be destoryed! Let me and my army help fight what's going to be the cause! All we ask... is that you donate... TWENTYDOLLARS IN CASH OR CHECK FILLED OUT TO LASVEGASCRIMELAB!" He said in one breath.

Catherine was driving by, going to pick up Lindsey from school, when she saw Hodges jump up and down around toursits, trying to make them take a fyler he was passing out. She shook her head, took out her cell phone, and called the police department.

"Um... yes. This is an emergency. I have two insane people holding what seems to be... a drug swap on the Strip, next to the Tangiers. Yes, thank you."

----

Police cars surrounded them just as fast as Catherine had called. Ecklie jumped down from the box and pointed to the flashing blue lights.

"I've see you pigs have finally wised up. Join the darkside, gentlemen... we have donuts..." The officer looked to his partner and nodded his head. They pulled out a pair of handcuffs and started walking towards him. "Wha... what's that? No. You're not going to arrest me, are you? NO! HODGES! Save me!!" Hodges shook his head and dropped the flyers, running backwards. "HODGES! GET BACK HERE!"

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in court of law."

----

"Yahoo... job search... 'Ruler of World...' and... search." Ecklie patiently waited and jumped when one result came up on the screen. Without looking at the job description, he picked up the phone and dialed the number. "Ugh, yes. I'm calling to apply for your job... yes. That's right. The Ruler of the World thing... of COURSE I'm willing to do anything! What the heck! When do I start?"

----

"And now ladies and gentlemen, The 'Ruler of your World!'" Ecklie strutted out on stage in a pair of speedos and army boots with a bow tie around his neck. Everyone in the audience stopped talking and stared at him. The DJ stopped the music.

Silence.

"I hope that hair is just part of the speedo!!" Someone screamed out.

----

Ecklie marched into the office of the strip club manager and placed his hands on his hips.

"Stripping is not considered a step closer to taking over the world."

"... are you kidding me?" Ecklie lunged for the desk and took all the money out of the drawer. The owner flew back and landed on the floor. Ecklie slipped on all the papers and half crawled/ran out of the room. Young women standing by the door screamed and scattered to the other side of the club as Ecklie darted for the double doors, and ran out into the streets... again.

----

Ecklie: (Talking with a black eye, a neck brace, and a cast on his arm and leg) Apparently, Catherine takes her past job very seriously. I made a witty little comment about how anyone could be a stripper, and you know, the woman just spazed out. Honestly, I underestimated her powers. I think... she'd make a good addition to my army. She's strong. She's made that... very clear.

(He thinks for a moment)

I mean, how hard is it to walk out on stage and take your clothes off? Not hard, right? Look. I can even do it in the lab!

(He stands up and begins to dance. Catherine can be heard in the background.)

_"If you want people to rule over, you best keep them clothes on!"_

----

"That's it! We must go to the park! The park is full of children! You give them chocolate, and they are owned. FOLLOW ME HODGES!"

They walked out into the street and got a cab.

"Where to," the cab driver asked.

"You think I won't be ready! But you're wrong, persumptious cab beast! I have prepared myself for this moment! And it has paid off in FULL! YOU see, the invaders learn from their mistakes, however rare they may be! NOW HUMAN, take me to... THAT WAYYY!"

"Get outta my cab!!"

"What about the bus," Hodges asked.

"Excellent, Hodges! We will use one of their own methods of transportation to beat this revulting city!" They got onto the bus without paying fair and took a seat.

"Where do you think you're going," the bus driver asked.

"I go to the park! Now mind your business, BUS SLAVE!"

"You don't go anywhere without paying the fee."

"Fee? You expect me to pay to be on this filthy machine?! HAVE YOU NOT BRAINNN WORMS?!"

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**A/N: (rolls on floor laughing) We made another chapter for you guys:)**


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